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1. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.

2. If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

3. If I save time, when do I get it back?

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4. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

5. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

6. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

7. The statement below is true. The statement above is false.

8. As I said before, I never repeat myself.

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9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a, work station... What more can I say

10. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.

11. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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13. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

14. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.

15. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

16. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.

17. I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

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18. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?

20. Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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21. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

22. Don't frown. You never know who is falling in Love with your smile.

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23. The Best of debates is should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are enough

24. Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun..

25. Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep!

26. ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what? Who's in a hurry?

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27. Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting.

28. If you are a vegetarian just because you want to be good to animals, then why eat their food.

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29. If you think your boss is stupid, remember you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

30. Why does life keep teaching me lessons, when I have no desire to learn..

31. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.