Love the best thing in life comes free. All it takes to download the most wonderful of all human emotions into our lives is

a click on the heart. This ready reckoner, in circulation on the Net, shows us how...

Here's a step-by-step guide to installing love on the human machine.

Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programmes running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

Tech Support: What programmes are running?

Customer: Let me see... I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM

running right now.

Tech Support: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may

remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programmes. LOVE will eventually overwrite

LOWESTEEM. EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM. EXE. However, you have to completely turn off

GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programmes prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you

turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until

GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see

that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other

HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?

Tech Support: What does the message say?

Customer: It says 'ERROR 143 PROGRAMME NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS.' What does that mean?

Tech Support: Don't worry, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE programme is set up to run on external

HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in

non-technical terms it means 'you have to 'LOVE' your own machine before it can 'LOVE' others.'

Customer: So what should I do?

Tech Support: Can you find the directory called 'SELF-ACCEPTANCE'?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Tech Support: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Tech Support: Click on the following files and then copy them to the MYHEART directory: FORGIVESELF. DOC,

SELFESTEEM. TXT, REALIZEWORTH. TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC. EXE

from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor and it shows

that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

Tech Support: Then LOVE is installed and running. One more thing before I go. LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it

and its various modules to everybody you meet.They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some

really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

Success is more an attitude than aptitude.