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HUSBAND & WIFE JOKES
 

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From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month
after I die I want you to marry Mr Drone."

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"Yes, I know that!
I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."


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A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings my slippers and my wife runs around barking."

"Why complain?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service !"


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One woman told another "My neighbor is always speaking ill of her
husband. But look at me. My husband is foolish, lazy and a Coward; but have I
ever said anything bad about him ?"

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Wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door
and said, "Do you see that couple ? How devoted they are ? He kisses her
every time they meet. Why don't you do that ?"

"I would love to." replied the husband, "but I don't know her well
enough."


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A good marriage would have to be between a deaf husband and a blind
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A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came
home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three 'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out 'Is that you, Jim ?' And that cured him."
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how ?"
The neighbor said, "You see, his name is Bill."

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"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem ?" He
replied, "I'm going to be a father."

"But that's wonderful," I said.

"What's wonderful ? My wife doesn't know about it yet."


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Hubby : "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"

Wife : "When there is a problem, no matter how insurmountable, I look
at your picture and the problem disappears."

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Hubby : "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you."

Wife : "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, what other problem
can there be greater than this one?"


The bride was crying. "What's the matter?"asked her friend.

"Well," she replied, "I didn't know until after the wedding that he had been married before and had five kids."

"That must have come as a shock to you."

"Yes, and my four children weren't happy either."


"My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog in the street."

"Oh, that's terrible!"

"Yes, it was terrible to watch the dog die slowly in convulsions."

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